Our life is full of decisions — both big and small. While some decisions bring us clarity about our identity, other choices can make it difficult to see the person we are meant to become. The weight of these uncertainties often weighs heavily on our minds until they finally manifest into a confident decision or action.
But even then, there’s no way to guarantee it will be the best choice for us in the long run. Sometimes, all you need is a firm belief in yourself that you can overcome whatever obstacle life throws in.
If you’ve been wanting to get a clear understanding of your identity and set goals for yourself that you believe in, this interview is for you. Friends, I’m so excited about our guest today, Katy Milkman. She is an award-winning behavioral scientist and professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.
In this episode, we discussed the biggest internal barriers holding you back from changing your life, what science says about how to believe in yourself more, and so much more. There is so much value she shared during our conversion and I’m sure you’ll love this episode of The School of Greatness. So, let the class begin!
Who Is Katy Milkman?
Katy Milkman is a summa cum laude graduate in Operations Research and Financial Engineering from Princeton University with a Ph.D. from Harvard University’s joint program in Computer Science and Business. She’s also a host of Choiceology, a popular podcast from Charles Schwab that explores the lessons of behavioral economics to help people change for good and improve their judgment.
Katy is also the co-founder and co-director of The Behavior Change for Good Initiative at the University of Pennsylvania, whose work is being chronicled by Freakonomics Radio. Her research is regularly featured in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and National Public Radio.
Before turning 30, Katy was named one of the “World’s Top 40 Business School Professors” under 40 by Poets and Quants, and she was a finalist for the Thinkers 50 2017 Radar Thinker Award.
She has received numerous awards for her research, including an award from the Federation of Associations in Behavioral & Brain Sciences during the early years of her career. She also gave the TED talk “Why We Fail and How We Stand Up Afterwards,” where she discussed why we fail and how we stand up afterward.
We all have our days where we feel like giving up on something — whether it’s a project, an exam, or even something as simple as going to the gym. There are times when we don’t want to push forward and finish the task at hand, but understanding what is stopping us is vital in handling the obstacles and getting past them.
The Barriers Holding You Back from Changing Your Life
It’s easy to get bogged down by the day-to-day mundanity of life. Sometimes, it can feel like you’re stuck in a boring routine that never changes, and it seems like you have nowhere to go and nothing left to strive for.
Life is not always easy and it doesn’t always make sense. But the truth is, you’re not alone. In fact, there was a study that showed that 80% of people feel stuck in their lives. Why it is so hard for us to want to change and create the life that we truly desire? We have dreams, but why are we still stuck from making the necessary changes to make our dreams happen, as if there are barriers that are holding us back? Katy provided some insight:
“There are two categories of barriers. … One of them is structural and social and sort of outside of your own control, … [and] there’s not much we can do about that. … So I want to focus on the second category, — the internal barriers that would prevent us from reaching our goals, that can make us feel stuck.” – Katy Milkman
The only thing standing between you and your goals is YOU! That’s right — it’s not the lack of time or money, and it’s not the people in your lives, either — it’s you.
Sometimes, there are inner voices that tell you things like “I don’t deserve it” or “I can’t do that.” Katy called these “internal barriers,” and they’re based either on past experiences or just fear of failure in general. Katy discussed the two common internal barriers that are holding you back from changing your life.
Barrier #1 – Status Quo Bias
How many times have you come to a crossroads in life and felt paralyzed by all the possible paths? It’s so easy to get stuck in the status quo, imagining the possible worst-case scenarios, which keeps you on “the safest path.”
“[There are many] internal barriers, [and] one of the biggest actually is status quo bias. This is something that behavioral scientists have been studying for many decades. It’s the tendency to want to stick to whatever path you’re on to feel like any deviation from it will be a loss. It’s frightening, it’s overwhelming, and so, it leads a lot of us to keep doing things that aren’t productive and stay in ruts.” – Katy Milkman
“Status quo bias” is a cognitive bias in which people prefer things to stay the same. It’s easier for us to keep doing what we’re doing than change our habits and try something new. This can be seen when people are resistant to new technologies or changes in their environment, even if they could benefit from the change. Unfortunately, status quo bias can limit our creativity, opportunities, and future success for ourselves and others around us.
Barrier #2 – Escalation of Commitment
Another type of internal barrier is “escalation of commitment,” which is a psychological phenomenon in which people will continue to invest more time, energy, or resources in something due to the amount they have already invested. This effect often leads to compulsive behavior that can be harmful to both the individual and those around them.
“Escalation of commitment … is another bias that has been extensively documented. [This is] the tendency we have when we’re on a path to stick to it in part because we tend not to ignore sunk costs. So a sunk cost is like something that you can’t recover, like … all the birthday presents that you purchased, … [and] all of those things that are irrecoverable, they’re historical, they’re behind you, [and] you can’t get them back.” – Katy Milkman
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you feel like there is no way out because you’ve already invested so much time into it? For example, maybe you’re staying in a toxic relationship only because you’ve invested so much time into it trying to fix it. Deep down, you know that you’d be happier without it, but it’s just become such a normal part of your life that you don’t know any different. This is an escalation of commitment, which is another barrier that gets you stuck and prevents you from moving forward.
There are many reasons why people don’t take action when they want to improve their lives. Fear, regret, and uncertainty can all hold us back from moving forward. Luckily, there’s a way to overcome these barriers, and the process of overcoming them starts with taking small steps and believing in yourself that you can overcome any barrier, which is critical in navigating the ebbs and flows in life.
