Are you a perfectionist? Do you feel like everything has to be perfect before you can move on with your life?
It is natural for everyone to want things done in a certain way or the “right” way, but it’s time to stop being so hard on yourself and allow yourself to be imperfect. People who have an obsessive need for order and control in their lives are perfectionists. They strive for excellence in every aspect of their lives, from work projects to social interactions with others. When they make a mistake, they feel like it’s a personal failure and can’t move past it without punishing themselves.
Friends, I’m super excited for my guest today! He is a six-time champion of Dancing with the Stars and he just won his third Emmy Award for outstanding choreography for reality or variety programming. Today, he’s going to tell us what drove him to overcome perfectionism, how to let go of being a perfectionist, and so much more!
Who Is Derek Hough?
Derek Hough is an Emmy award-winning choreographer and New York Times best-selling author. He started dancing at age eleven and has since become the only six-time champion in franchise history of the world-famous ABC show Dancing with the Stars. He has a new live show in Las Vegas that I’m incredibly excited to go and see myself called No Limit, which takes you on a journey through a true fusion of dance and music, as Derek explores styles ranging from ballroom and tap to salsa, hip-hop, and everything in between.
As a multi-talented entertainer, Derek has appeared several times in films, television series, and stage projects as an actor. He made his feature film debut in the feature film Make Your Move and has a recurring role in the ABC TV series Nashville. Other stage performances where Derek appeared also include the critically-acclaimed production of Footloose, Radio City Music Hall’s New York Spring Spectacular, where he co-starred alongside the Tony Award-winning Laura Benanti. He also starred in NBC’s Hairspray Live!, together with Martin Short, Jennifer Hudson, and Ariana Grande.
Derek Hough has so many accolades to his name, and he has been so successful in his career. However, despite all his accomplishments, he still feels lonely and depressed sometimes.
“Being on Dancing With the Stars, you’re being judged by millions of people. There’s this pressure, and there’s this feeling of the desire of wanting to win and be the best, and one thing I realized along the way that really helped me tremendously and transformed my whole life experience was realizing I had won Dancing With the Stars for the third time, and I was a world champion Latin-American dancer before Dancing With the Stars, … [and yet] I was feeling super depressed. … I felt super lonely. I felt just in a dark place. … I realized I had this massive emptiness … because I realized that my whole life, I really felt like success equals love, or I felt like achievement equals love.” – Derek Hough
Success is a feeling. You can’t measure success in numbers or achievements. To feel successful, you need to love what you do and the life that surrounds it. Without love, success is hollow and empty. Love fuels our motivation to work hard for the things we want most in life — health, happiness, family, and friends. It inspires us to take risks because we know that anything worth having is worth fighting for, and this includes relationships with people we care about, as well as our careers and businesses.
“In order for me to get love, I had to become something. I had to be good at something. I had to be the best, and then I would be worthy of love. … I realized that’s not the case because … once you achieve something, you’re just like, ‘All right, what’s the next thing?’ So you never really fully feel resolved or feel loved at all when you accomplish those things.” – Derek Hough
In today’s fast-paced world, everyone is so consumed with their own lives and work that they don’t have the time to notice other people. This creates a huge disconnection between friends and family members, as well as an increased feeling of loneliness for many people. To feel loved, sometimes you think that you have to be good at something, to be the best, to be perfect. While there’s nothing wrong with striving to do your best, it can have negative effects, as well.
What Does Perfectionism Do To You
Perfectionists often feel that they need to be perfect at all times, never making mistakes or doing anything wrong. They put pressure on themselves to do well and not disappoint others. However, this pressure can cause a lot of anxiety, stress, and other mental health issues. It’s important to remember that we’re only humans!
“[Perfectionism is] paralyzing … because [perfection] doesn’t exist — it’s not real. … You’re never going to be perfect, and even if it is close to perfection, you’re still going to think that something’s wrong with it. So you’re living in a constant state of disappointment. … So realizing that perfection is the experience — … perfection is you being prepared and … putting in the hours and knowing that you’ve done the time — that’s perfection.” – Derek Hough
Sometimes, perfectionism is a major obstacle to success. It can lead you to feel like you are never good enough, which leads to chronic self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. This mindset can be toxic for your mental health because perfectionists tend to have higher rates of depression and anxiety.
“When I look back, … [I realized that] I had to change the definition of what perfection meant to me, which was the perfection [where] I get to help this person, I get to serve this person, [and] I get to see their face light up.” – Derek Hough
It’s time to stop living in fear of what people might think. Release the need for perfectionism and start living authentically. You don’t have to be perfect all the time! You just need a little more faith that you’re doing enough and a little less worry about how others perceive you. Letting go of perfectionism may seem impossible, but there are some things that you can do in order to start the process towards releasing this belief system from your life. A good way to start is to shift your focus on helping others instead of focusing too much on yourself.
