Are you a narcissist?
It’s hard to be humble when you’re one of the most talented, intelligent, and good-looking people in the room, but if you’re a narcissist, it’s all about you. You’re the star of your own show, and everyone else is just there to serve your needs. If that sounds like you, you could be a narcissist.
Friends, our guest today is Dr. Ramani Durvasula, and she’s on a mission of demystifying and dismantling the toxic influence of narcissism in our lives. So I want you to dive in, buckle up, and get ready because this is going to be such a powerful conversation that I had to break it up into a two-part episode. This is part one, and this is such a fascinating topic for me. So many of you were asking me about doing an episode on this subject because we live in an era of narcissism where social media has amplified and showcased people with narcissistic attitudes. Fortunately for us, Dr. Ramani is just the right person to talk about this subject.
Who Is Dr. Ramani Durvasula?
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at California State University in Los Angeles. She’s also the CEO and founder of LUNA Education, Training, & Consulting, a company offering a variety of programs focused on educating clinicians, survivors, businesses, and coaches on the impact of narcissism on wellness, health, and functioning.
She was a recipient of the American Association of University Women Emerging Scholar Award. She takes on our modern scourges of entitlement and incivility in “Don’t You Know Who I Am”: How to Stay Sane in the Era of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility.” Dr. Ramani is also an author of a book on modern relationship survival manual, Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist. Her other book, You Are Why You Eat, teaches you how to change your life by changing your food attitude.
Her works have been featured on various media platforms, such as Investigation Discovery, BravoTV, Red Table Talk, and the Today Show. She’s also a featured expert on the digital media mental health platform, MedCircle. Dr. Durvasula is known for her brutally honest yet authentic voice on the struggles raised by narcissism across the globe, and in this episode, she shared with us the main traits of narcissists and how people become them.
The Main Traits of a Narcissist
Some of us can identify people who are narcissists. They’re the people who always need to be the center of attention and seem to have a sense of entitlement that knows no bounds. What you may not realize is that anyone can become a narcissist if they’re not careful.
Narcissism is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, excessive need for admiration, and often a lack of empathy for others. But what causes somebody to develop these personality traits? How can you tell if you’re becoming a narcissist yourself?
“Narcissism is a complex inter-blend of biological temperament meeting up [with] all these environmental conditions. And there’s a range of conditions that can result in adulthood narcissism at the most extreme, and probably the most difficult is trauma in childhood. So a child who is raised in and experiences trauma … [such as] significant caregiver loss, chaos, abuse, [and] observing abuses — … that can put a person at risk for developing an adult narcissistic personality. But here’s where it gets tricky: The majority of people exposed to trauma in childhood don’t become narcissistic.” – Dr. Ramani Durvasula
Traumatic events in childhood do not always lead to narcissistic traits later on. In fact, most people who experience trauma as children go on to develop into kind and compassionate adults. The media often portrays survivors of child abuse as narcissists, but this isn’t the case for a majority of people. Trauma is one possible factor that can lead to narcissism, but it’s important to remember other factors like peer influence and family history also play a role in developing these tendencies.
“Narcissistic people are insecure, and they are free and have lots of feelings of inadequacy, … but that’s all happening at an unconscious level. But I want you to think of a narcissist as somebody who constantly has a stomach ache because they’re going through their lives like there’s almost this tension. They’re not aware of why they have it, but the tension at the top is going to get blown off, and we’re going to be able to see their inadequacies. That’s why they’re so sensitive to criticism.” – Dr. Ramani Durvasula
Narcissistic people are extremely sensitive to criticism. They often react defensively and may become agitated, argumentative, or even hostile when their self-image is challenged. While this reaction can be frustrating for those around them, it’s important to understand that the narcissist’s sensitivity is a symptom of their condition. By understanding what drives this sensitivity, we can better manage interactions with narcissistic individuals and help them manage their condition.
Sometimes we mistake narcissists for being psychopaths. They may have similar tendencies but they’re totally different disorders. So, it’s important to know the difference between these two so that you can spot a person with narcissistic tendencies before they do something terrible.
