As many of you know, I didn’t have many friends growing up. I couldn’t read and write until late high school. I was goofy and gangly. I got made fun of all the time. But all that changed when I started playing sports.
Sports was something I could finally understand. I was able to prove myself worthy by what I could accomplish on the field. I spent every day feeling awkward and stupid, but then 3:00 PM would roll around, I’d go to practice, and I’d be in my element. Finally, I had something I excelled in, and it was great to feel that sense of accomplishment and pride.
But then I found myself on a slippery slope. I placed my self-worth on what I could achieve in football. If I lost a game, I felt terrible. If I won, I felt great. My mood, personality, and self-worth came entirely from my performance on the field.
It was so unhealthy. I was placing all of my self-worth on just one aspect of who I was. I wasn’t loving myself unconditionally or expressing any gratitude for any of the many good things I had in my life, and that only led to anger, disappointment, and fear when my football career eventually ended.
We need to be careful where we get our self-worth. Instead of earning it through outside validation, we should get it from the kindness in our hearts, the positivity that we bring, and who we are. We have to learn how to have unconditional love for ourselves.
On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about self-worth with the greatest diver in history who is also a great person and advocate: Greg Louganis. Greg has seen more than his fair share of struggles in his lifetime, but he has processed them all and come out the other side displaying peace and love, and I think we can all learn something from his example. Let’s dive in!
Who Is Greg Louganis?
Greg Louganis is simply the greatest diver in history. At just 16 years old, he won his first silver medal in the 1976 Olympic Games in Montreal. He did have to wait another eight years before returning to the Olympics due to the United States’ boycott in 1980, but in 1984 he won two gold medals, and he again won two gold medals in 1988. This man is the definition of a legendary athlete and a peak performer.
But as I mentioned earlier, Greg has faced more than his share of pain and trauma. His mother left his father before he was born, and Greg was adopted. However, growing up, he felt a constant need to earn his father’s love. While he felt that his mother’s love was unconditional, his father was a bit more difficult to impress.
Then, as he grew older, Greg began to realize that there was something different about him. As a teenager, he realized he was gay, and he went on to become the first openly gay diver in history. Today, he’s an inspiration to the LGBTQ community around the world…
But at the time, “gay” was a taboo word. Greg was told to keep his private life private and stop advertising his sexuality, and matters only got worse when he tested positive for HIV. Just six months before competing in the 1988 Olympics, Greg found himself in an abusive relationship and diagnosed with a deadly disease.
But Greg didn’t give up hope. He kept training, and he brought home two gold medals. And now, he uses his story to inspire generations of athletes who have come behind him.
This episode is incredibly inspiring — I know you’re going to love it as much as I did. Greg and I talked about his experiences as a young diver and how he drove himself to success at such a young age. We also discussed his HIV diagnosis, the hardships he faced at the time, and how he has continued to live a full and happy life in the years since. And finally, we talked about how Greg uses and teaches visualization to help young athletes reach their full potential.
I definitely enjoyed this conversation, and I know you will too! Let’s get started!
Becoming a Top Athlete
What does it take to be a top athlete? Greg won his first Olympic medal when he was just 16 years old — what motivated him to become so good at such a young age?
“I think it was a combination — whether it be adoption, my sexual identity, … it was any number of things that were really contributing factors to that desperation of having to succeed early on in my diving career.” – Greg Louganis
There were definitely multiple factors that drove Greg to perform at his highest potential, but his adoptive father was certainly one of them. Greg shared with me that he has memories of his father driving right by while the other kids beat him up at the bus stop. His father’s love always seemed to be conditional, and that caused Greg to doubt himself. It also drove him to succeed more than he ever had before.
Greg also found that his sexuality motivated him to practice harder and be the best at his chosen sport. As a kid, he loved dance and theater, but he was often made fun of. The other kids told him dance was a “sissy sport,” and they made him feel bad for his interests.
For a long time, Greg placed his self-worth in how well he succeeded at diving. He believed that he could earn his father’s love and the respect of others around him by being the best — he fell into the same trap I did.
It’s so important to be careful where we place our sense of self-worth. That confidence in who we are has to come from inside ourselves. Today, Greg has more of that inner confidence than ever:
“Validation is redundant. You don’t need to be validated. I mean, if you are true to yourself and authentic, there’s no apology. There’s just who you are. It’s just who you are. So it needs no explanation, you know?” – Greg Louganis
Think about that for a second: You don’t need to be validated. You don’t need someone else to tell you that you are talented, smart, funny, interesting, or beautiful — you have to believe you are those things for yourself. Once you accept that you are your authentic self, you can be free of all the other things you might tie your self-worth to. You don’t need to be validated — you just need to be your authentic self.
