Do you treat others the way you like to be treated? Have you learned how to create boundaries in your life so that you don’t tolerate mistreatment?
Often we don’t like how people talk to us. Whether it’s at home, at work, or with our friends, there are many times where we don’t get the respect we desire. It feels terrible.
But how much ownership do we take of those situations? The truth is, you get what you put up with. We actually have to teach people how to love us. And that’s exactly what we talk about on this episode of The School of Greatness.
In this episode, I talk about what it takes to stand up for the things you believe in with actor-turned-activist, Sophia Bush.
Who Is Sophia Bush?
Sophia Bush starred as Brooke Davis in the successful WB/CW drama series One Tree Hill, Detective Erin Lindsay in the NBC police procedural drama series Chicago P.D. and numerous other TV appearances.
Sophia consistently uses her platform for activism and fundraising and has a podcast called Work in Progress where she interviews inspiring individuals about how they got to the places in life they are at now.
Sophia also stood up for herself even before the Me Too Movement broke when she quit Chicago P.D. where she was being mistreated. Because of this experience, she has become an advocate for other women who are ready to learn how to have courage in these areas and demand change. Let’s dive in!
Before It Was “Me Too”
Sophia Bush is best known for her role on One Tree Hill for nine seasons, but the show she did after that, Chicago P.D., was a very different experience. The reason was that she was experiencing abuse and mistreatment on set by a colleague.
Before the “me too” movement broke, many women in the industry were afraid to speak out about sexual abuse or misconduct they experienced in what should be a professional environment. This is why Sophia is so passionate about these issues now. She wants to help women break free and speak their truth — for the truth will set them free.
She describes a very visceral moment at work that changed everything:
“I walked into my boss’s office and my whole body was shaking and I could feel the lump in my throat, but like, what came out was like a fire-breathing dragon. And it was so quiet because I was so angry. And I just said, ‘I don’t know what I have to do, but I’m this close to leaving. Do I need to start flipping tables and throwing computer monitors through the window? Do I have to cause physical monetary damage to the set for you to do something about what’s happening in those four walls because that’s where I’m at. Like, if you want the Mariah Carey breakdown on set, it’s coming.’” – Sophia Bush
Sophia describes the response from her boss and executive team as shocking. They thought the fact that she kept showing up to work every day and doing her job meant the situation wasn’t that bad.
It was in that moment that she realized she didn’t have to stay in that environment anymore to “prove herself.” It was too toxic. She knew she was really good at her job, and she had already done upwards of 60,000 hours of TV in her career. There was nothing left to stay for. She was done.
So she did what she was initially afraid to do, and she left.
“What I went through as a woman in the workplace — how could I go out and defend other women if I was tolerating it for myself? Not happening.” – Sophia Bush
Sophia moved forward from that exit and began searching for new projects. Every new project made her feel nervous like it was the first time trying out for a new role — like starting all over again. But she decided she was going to start changing her relationship with fear.
“It never goes away. No matter how much you succeed, you’re always afraid. And I think that when you make friends with that fear, then it gets a little bit better. What I started to do when I got this thing to read for this writer who I’m obsessed with … instead of letting fear swallow me alive, what if I looked at it, and went, ‘Oh cute, that means you care … cute.’ What if I started changing the relationship to the fear? That doesn’t mean I’m not afraid. That doesn’t mean I’m not terrified that I’m going to do something wrong. But what it means is [that] I can take it as a sign of emotional investment, and I can wear that with pride.” – Sophia Bush
I love her take on dealing with fear. She turns a negative into a positive and puts the ball back in her court.
“Now the thing that felt debilitating feels kind of like a win. I like that part of myself — that I care so much. I care that much about you, about the world, about advocacy, and about my job. That’s pretty cool.” – Sophia Bush
Another thing Sophia really cares about is truth, though she says it’s often easier to see truth for other people than for herself sometimes.
Speaking Your Truth
As Sophia shared earlier about her experience with sexual abuse at work, I opened up about my own journey with sexual abuse as a child in this conversation. You can also listen to my full podcast on this topic.
I didn’t open up about the sexual abuse until I was 30-years-old. It took me 25 years to talk about it. I couldn’t say it because I didn’t have anywhere to share. I felt like I had to put up this mask and be a tough guy, but it wasn’t my natural state.
I was constantly fighting my natural state to try to feel connected, loved, or appreciated — to feel like I could fit into a team, a group, a community, a demographic, something. And in some ways, it worked; I got results by being that way. I achieved athletic success, financial success, and got the girl, but I was always alone inside. I was always hurting, feeling like I’m not enough and lacking confidence and all these things.
I realized something wasn’t working inside, so I just started to open up about all the things I was most ashamed of, which I didn’t want anyone to know about. It was terrifying — I thought if people really knew who I was, they would not love me.
Once I let it all out in the open, it felt like every bone in my body got broken, but it also felt like a thousand-pound weighted vest getting taken off my back. When we start to open up about the things we’re most ashamed of, that’s when we can start to reveal ourselves and people can see the true us — and love us for who we really are.
Sophia can relate to this experience — she knows what it takes to make sense of the pain before action can be made. Even though she knew she needed to leave her role at Chicago P.D. by season two, it took her two more seasons to fully process everything that had happened to her and leave.
“It took me until the first meeting for season four to tell them that if this wasn’t all going to get resolved in a meaningful way, I’d leave at the end of the year. And they thought I was bluffing, which was also really interesting, given what was going on. And at the end of the year, when it became really clear that I was leaving — nothing would keep me there — I just realized, you know, I’ve been a cog in this machine for two more years. It took me two years of processing and then fighting to get free.” – Sophia Bush
And freedom is a wonderful thing. Leaving the show was the best thing Sophia could do for herself, and it sent her on a path to do so many more things with her life. She is passionate about so many things, and her advocacy work like working with organizations like Pencils of Promise has taken her on a very meaningful journey.
Discovering Your Sacred Rage
Sophia has a very holistic approach when it comes to advocacy. She sees every issue interconnected in one big system.
“I see that our liberation is all tied together. I see that I want to advocate for women and that I need to sit at the feet of women of color to learn how to be the bright kind of ally to that community. And when I’m advocating for intersectional communities of women, I have to invite men to the table and talk to men as my allies, not as my enemies, so that those men can turn around and help me and these women. Everything is connected.” – Sophia Bush
With so much going on in our world today, it can be hard to know what to fight for. There are so many issues that it’s overwhelming. Sophia suggests picking one and running with it full on.
So how do you decide? By choosing what gives you “sacred rage.”
“Where does your sacred rage come from? What do you feel is like a sacred duty? The thing that you would get up in the morning to fight for — do that. And if for you that’s honey bees, do that. And if for you that’s women’s rights, do that. And if for you that’s eradicating toxic masculinity, do that. And if for someone listening it’s voter suppression, attack that. We need everybody to be all in on something. Not everybody has to do everything. But we need everybody to be all in on something. So where does your sacred rage come from? Because that’s a fire that doesn’t ever run out.” – Sophia Bush
Sometimes we feel like we don’t have the time to fight because we are struggling just to pay our bills, but Sophia suggests that it doesn’t take as much time as everybody thinks it does. Can you give an hour a week? Can you give an afternoon on a Sunday? That’s all it takes to start a ripple effect.
Biggest Regrets and Daring Dreams
Toward the end of the interview, I asked Sophia to imagine that many years from now, as she is looking back on her life, what would be her biggest regret that she hasn’t done yet.
Sophia pondered for a moment and then said she would regret not writing the book that her college professor told her that she should.
And she also said in a few seasons or “phases” ahead, she will probably run for office. When she has made the shows and movies she wanted to make, she would be ready to move on into a different field. So keep an eye out for Sophia in the political sphere! She is already making waves on her social media accounts and her podcast.
I always like to ask my interviewees this last question and see what their three biggest pieces of wisdom would be for the world.
I told Sophia to imagine that everything she has ever done was gone and it’s her last day on earth. She has a piece of paper and a pen and needs to write down three pieces of wisdom for the world before she leaves. What would they be? This is what she said:
- It takes every single one of us, and every single one of us is worthy.
- Decisions are only made from two places: love or fear, so if you do the work to really break down where you’re coming from, make sure you’re always coming from love.
- You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.
I hope you enjoyed this episode. I love diving deep and talking about challenging topics. I love getting uncomfortable and I’m so grateful for all the work and inspiration that Sophia brings to the world. Make sure to follow Sophia over on Instagram, @sophiabush, and me, @lewishowes, on Instagram with your key takeaways.
If you want to listen to the full interview with Sophia, you can do so here. Also, head over to Apple Podcasts to subscribe and give it a five-star rating!
Sophia’s definition of greatness is best captured in one word — truth. Like Sophia, I believe greatness comes when you use your voice to speak the truth no matter what. When you finally release it, the freedom you will experience is priceless.
To Greatness,
Some Questions I Ask:
- What’s missing in your toolkit? (31:00)
- What needs to change for actual change to happen? (53:00)
- How do we know what to take on first? (58:00)
- What are the three accounts we should follow to be educated on what’s going on? (1:12:00)
- Who was the most influential person in your life? (1:18:30)
In this episode, you will learn:
- The scary side of acting (27:00)
- About Lewis’ “Yes and No List” (34:00)
- The importance of opening up about what you’re ashamed of (40:00)
- The struggle Sophia had with quitting her toxic work environment (45:00)
- How to separate yourself from the system that you’re in (1:00:00)
- Sophia’s plan for the future (1:24:00)
- Plus much more…
Connect with:
Sophia Bush
