Maybe you’re not really sure if you love yourself or not.
We all go through times when we really aren’t the biggest fans of ourselves. Maybe you made a mistake in the past, and you can’t seem to forgive yourself. Maybe you’re lonely, and you don’t feel like anyone wants to be around you. Or perhaps you’ve gone through some abusive relationships where you’ve been treated like garbage and started believing you were just that: garbage.
First of all: You are not garbage. You are worthy of love — love from others and from yourself. It is so important to learn how to love and appreciate yourself, even when you’re struggling.
Depression and anxiety have been at an all-time high lately, and the COVID-19 pandemic hasn’t made that better. So many people are experiencing loneliness, anxiety, and sadness right now, and they’re afraid or ashamed to ask for help. There’s been so much stress and worry about this pandemic, paired with the quarantine and social distancing — it’s a recipe for a mental health disaster.
But there’s help. You don’t have to walk alone. My guest today, Kati Morton, has made it her mission to educate people on mental health, provide a tool kit for treatment, and erase the stigma surrounding depression and anxiety.
“It can get better. I feel like that’s a message that I’ve always tried to get across to people — you’re never alone. … When you put good out there, people will come. You’ll find your tribe … just know that you’re never alone.” – Kati Morton
In this episode, Kati is going to share her mental health toolkit with you all, which will help you rewire your brain and authentically connect with yourself and those around you. You’re not going to want to miss this one!
Who Is Kati Morton?
Kati Morton is a clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a viral YouTube personality whose mission is to decrease the stigma around mental health issues. Kati runs a private practice in Santa Monica, CA, and over the past eight years, she has leveraged social media to share mental health information worldwide through video.
Kati is well known for her YouTube channel that now has almost one million subscribers and over 74.5 million views! In addition to her YouTube channel and strong presence on social media, she has made several TV appearances on shows such as Good Day LA and appeared in Europe’s highest circulated magazine, Glamour UK.
Kati’s first book, Are u ok?: A Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health, is a mental health guide for millennials. She’s also the host of the new podcast Ask Kati Anything where she answers all of your questions about anxiety, depression, insecurity, self-doubt, and more. Her passion is to increase awareness about mental health. She hopes that by doing this, the global community can push for better services worldwide and remove the stigma associated with getting help.
Guys, this interview is full of encouragement and practical tips on treating loneliness, trauma, and depression. We also discuss the importance of vulnerability and authenticity in relationships and the best medicine for a broken heart. You’re not going to want to miss this episode with Kati Morton. Let’s get started!
The Root of Loneliness and How You Can Treat It
During my entire childhood, I had a deep sense of loneliness, insecurity, and worry. I feared that no one was ever going to like me, much less love me. I constructed a narrative in my mind, based on situations I had experienced, that told me I would be lonely forever. Even when I was a teenager and had friends, I was highly insecure and always afraid my friends were going to leave. I felt the need to convince people to love me.
As I grew up, I took it upon myself to overcome that challenge by spending alone time, falling in love with myself and who I was. I loved being around people, but I also grew to love having alone time and feeling secure in that.
I know my story probably resonates with a lot of you out there, so I wanted to hear Kati’s thoughts on loneliness and how to treat it. It starts with changing our thinking patterns:
“First … is noticing your thoughts because I do believe if we are able to change our thoughts, we change our life. … ‘Cause remember, we’re saying [that] most of them are repeat thoughts. So those could be things like, ‘I’m not good enough. They’re not going to like me. I’m a loser.’… Write down your top five, and then I want you to work using bridge statements.” – Kati Morton
Kati went on to explain that bridge statements are statements that exist in possibility. If you think you’re dumb and tell yourself, “I’m smart, I’m smart, I’m smart,” chances are that’s not going to do the trick. You’ll reject that narrative because it’s the opposite of what you’ve been telling yourself for so long. But, if you think to yourself, “I might not be the smartest person in the room, but I do think I have emotional intelligence or street smarts,” you begin to open that door to a better narrative. To support this activity, Kati recommends journaling or writing letters to yourself:
“There is a science that backs it. … Every day our brain is learning in our hippocampus where memories are formed. It creates these new neurons every day. And those neurons get together with each other to create memories and learnings, right? So each and every day, whether we recognize it or not, we’re learning new things. And instead of taking that opportunity to teach ourselves nasty things like, ‘I’m horrible, I’m stupid,’ let’s take that opportunity to teach ourselves things that are helpful, supportive.” – Kati Morton
The more consistently you can journal, the more progress you’ll see. If you don’t feel better after the first time, remember that it’s a commitment, not a quick fix. The last thing that Kati recommended was entering the social sphere as your genuine self:
“This is going to be the hardest for people … but I want you to tiptoe in social land in an authentic way. … I want you to be more authentic. I challenge you to pick one person that … you’re going to be honest with about how you’re doing or what’s going on. And that doesn’t mean [saying], ‘I’m fine.’” – Kati Morton
If you struggle with loneliness, then you’re going to be tempted to retreat further into isolation. You crave human interaction, but you’re too afraid to pursue it, fearing that you’ll get rejected. But when you take a chance and show the world your authentic self, you let other people get to know you and you get to know yourself, too! As Kati said, this process is hard and uncomfortable, but it reaps the most fruitful results: You’ll learn that it’s possible for other people to love you, and you’ll learn how to love yourself in the process.
