Are you afraid to open up?
This is a broad question, but I’m sure it resonated with a lot of you. A lot of us struggle with a fear of vulnerability. We’re afraid to be vulnerable with people because it might mean rejection. It might even mean getting laughed at.
If you’ve been rejected in the past, in any way, shape, or form, you may have felt the impulse to never open up again. I know that when I was in middle school, I was absolutely terrified to talk to girls for fear of being rejected. My insecurity was almost paralyzing.
If you fear rejection, it’s probably because you struggle with accepting yourself. Maybe you hate your body type or the way your teeth look. Or perhaps you think you’re dumb and constantly compare yourself to people smarter than you. I know these are things I struggled with, and I’m guessing that you have some insecurities, too — We all do.
Here’s the thing about fears — if we don’t talk about them, they grow. They fester. My guest today has made it her mission to talk about the uncomfortable things, and she does it through the medium of comedy.
Nikki Glaser is one of the funniest people I know, but what’s more, she’s a deeply empathic person who wants her content to not only be funny but relatable to those who struggle with insecurity. It was a joy having her on The School of Greatness — I know you’re going to enjoy this episode!
Who Is Nikki Glaser?
Nikki Glaser is one of the funniest female voices in comedy today. For over a decade at clubs across the country, Nikki has been honing her shockingly-honest style of comedy. Nikki has had three specials on Netflix, she’s the host of the Comedy Central podcast You Up, and she’s embarking on a mini-tour of all-outside stand-up shows at the end of the month!
In addition to her shows, Nikki has multiple stand-up specials and late-night TV appearances in which she jokes about her most humiliating moments as a woman in the modern world. Nikki’s past and current struggles with anorexia, depression, and anxiety are fair game in both her stand-up and in in-depth interviews like WTF with Marc Maron and JRE with Joe Rogan. Nikki has become a complete open book on mic — and not just for the laughs; she’s also adamant on being the voice for women that she yearned for as a young, confused, adolescent herself.
This was a truly unique School of Greatness conversation. Nikki was hilarious, but also vulnerable, real, and full of relatable stories. We actually sat down back in early spring, before the quarantine, but we thought this was a perfect time to drop the episode. We all could use a little more humor in our lives, so get ready to laugh, cry, and everything in between!
Getting Real about Self-Image, Body Dysmorphia, and Insecurity
One of the things I love about Nikki is that she gets real in her comedy, talking about vulnerability and insecurities that so many people struggle with. She shared this post not too long ago of a little girl saying, “I’m ugly, I’m ugly,” and this older woman telling her, “No, you’re beautiful.” Feeling beautiful is something that Nikki has struggled with her whole life:
“The little girl just looks at herself, and she goes, “I’m ugly. And it was just like … I feel that way so much all the time. … I do feel very ugly sometimes. Add I have face dysmorphia [and] body dysmorphia, [and] as I age, it just gets worse and worse, and I know that so many women have it too.” – Nikki Glaser
Face and body dysmorphia is a mental condition that causes someone to be obsessive about certain facial features or “flaws” in their body, which are not noticeable to anyone else. The first time Nikki became insecure about her looks was when she was in fifth grade. She asked to borrow a pencil from the boy next to her, and this was his response was this:
“[He goes], “Dammit, you bucktooth beaver. Why don’t you just go in the woods and gnaw on a tree and make your own pencil?’ [He said it] in front of everyone. That was the first time I was like, my looks are a problem.’ Men will punish me in front of people. And that’s when I went on like lockdown with ever talking to boys … and then that was the year in sixth grade that my sister came to my middle school, and she was gorgeous.” – Nikki Glaser
As the years continued, Nikki felt worse and worse about her body, and to compensate, she decided to be the funniest person in the room so that she could be seen. I totally relate with this. Not too long ago, I posted a picture of myself back when I was seven years old on Instagram, and at the top I wrote: “Too stupid. Too ugly. Too skinny. Too slow. Too goofy. Too young.” These are the things people said about me, and I repeated them to myself. Girls didn’t want to talk to me, guys made fun of me, and so I compensated by dedicating myself to sports.
When I was about 16, I decided I wouldn’t let my insecurities cripple me anymore. I made it a goal to say hi to girls I thought were pretty and nice and try to have real conversations with them. Of course I fumbled, I was awkward, and I got rejected many times, but I built up the courage, and by the end of the summer, I was confident enough to talk to anyone.
Face and body dysmorphia is still a very real struggle that Nikki experiences today. She still feels the impulse to be the most beautiful woman in the room and compares herself to the women around her. But by being so open about her own struggles, Nikki opens the door for other people to feel understood and heard regarding their own insecurities while working on self-healing as well.
